We all have something we fear. Mine is acceptance.
In high school I desperately wanted to try out for the school play but didn’t for fear of how my athletic friends would react. I loved being on the court, but for fear of disappointing teammates and upsetting coaches, I quit. In college I wanted to travel oversees for short term mission trips but fear of the unknown kept me close to home. I loved to read and write but did so in my diary only for fear of being classified as a nerd or teacher’s pet.
I’m almost thirty and still have to tell myself to be confident, not apologize for who I am, and the cliché phrase, be myself.
Then I had a daughter. A now independent two-year old who is a walking definition of confidence. She thinks she can do anything from putting on her own shoes to riding a buffalo. She also changes her occupation daily. Some days she tells me she is a doctor, other days a teacher, vet, or princess. There is nothing that that girl doesn’t think she can do or isn’t willing to try.
I don’t want her to lose her brave. So every night I pray confidence for her. I long for Ava to know who she is in Christ and to be nothing but. I desire for her to be herself without fear of what her peers may say. In fact, I pray that her confidence will inspire the other girls in her class to embrace their own uniqueness too.
I hope when my daughter is thirty she is swimming in a pool of I tried it’s instead of drowning in could have been’s.
I recently read a devotional by Annie F. Downs titled 100 Days to Brave. I then had the opportunity to attend a Women’s Conference and hear Annie speak on the topic of Brave. I left that conference knowing what my word for 2019 would be: BRAVE.
How do I plan on being brave this year? By starting this blog. Honestly? I have sweaty armpits and smeared eye makeup thinking about launching this website today. I fear nobody will read what I have to say. I fear everyone will read it and no one will like it. I fear people will roll their eyes at my passion for reading. I fear I will be brushed off as either a know-it-all or unqualified. I fear not being accepted.
But today I am choosing to replace the word fear with brave. Today I am choosing to take a lesson from my two-year old in confidence. Today I am going to put on deodorant, wipe my eye makeup, and trust that God laid this blog on my heart for a reason.
I may not be able to redo my high school and college years, but I can intentionally choose today and every day to embrace who God created me to be. To be brave.
How about you? What brave thing are you doing in 2019?