Someone Who is Present

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Do you love making and crossing things off your to-do list? I do.


I enjoy sipping my first cup of coffee while I scan my sticky note titled, Today’s Agenda. As I sip, I prioritize my plan of action.


One evening I was quite proud of myself because I finished everything on my list AND more! Floors were mopped, laundry was finished, I had a fun outing with my daughter, and the new recipe I attempted was a success. Turning to my husband, I held up my finished to-do list and dramatically asked, “What more could you possibly want in a wife?”


Someone who is present.


Gulp. I had asked that generic question expecting a response of praise. Maybe a How do you do it all, honey? Or a I am the luckiest guy in the world. Someone who is present? What?!


Seeing my speechless response, Nicholas gently went on to explain. Babe, you do it all. I never have to wonder if you have a plan for lunch. I never run out of clean underwear. And if I misplace something, you always know where I left it. You even put a new tube of toothpaste in my bathroom without me telling you my current one is almost gone. I appreciate all you do. I really do. But sometimes I want to write, “Sit on the couch with your husband” on your list. Maybe then you would spend quality time with me.


My husband’s words stung. Not because he was mean, but because he was right. I was excelling in my role as mom and homemaker, but was neglecting my role as wife.


In the book Present Over Perfect, author Shauna Niequist writes, “Being present over perfect is about rejecting the myth that every day is a new opportunity to prove our worth, and about the truth that our worth is inherent, given by God, not earned by our hustling.”


My goal-oriented self was viewing my day’s success by how much I accomplished. But not even the to-do list cares if I get it crossed off. My husband would choose sticky floors, an unorganized pantry, and wearing the same underwear two days in a row if it meant evenings spent with him. My worth is in Jesus. Not my productivity. And I’m pretty sure Jesus would prefer I invest in my marriage over mopped floors and caught up laundry too!


Can you relate? Do you go, go, go all day only stopping to mutter a goodnight to your husband before crawling under the covers exhausted? I’m not here to cast judgment. I’m simply wondering if I’m the only one. If you do too, you’re not alone.


Let’s encourage one another in our role as wives. Comment below. Share what you do to grow in your relationship with your spouse. Do you have weekly date nights? Ask each other your highs and lows of the day? Give evening backrubs while watching your favorite show together?


Let’s motivate each other with ideas and encouragement. I look forward to hearing from you!

7 thoughts on “Someone Who is Present”

  1. I love it when we choose to leave the TV off and just sit in the quiet after the kids go to bed, maybe have a bowl of ice cream or some popcorn, and just talk.

  2. I struggle with this too. The to do list never ends. We like to read at night, not the same book but in the same room, or we have a few different shows we watch, and we try to go on a walk before the kids get up or in the evening.

  3. We enjoy having a night out with another couple so we keep each other accountable to take time to do something fun together. If it’s been awhile since our last outing, one of us will call the other to say it’s time to catch up or maybe just time to slow down. Bonfires are a great activity that encourage talking, telling stories and they are free.


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